I attend a large, prestigious university, where blacks make up less than 10% of a 30,000 student body. The rest? Young white males, since the school is a technical university heavy into math, science, and engineering majors. If hell is a place (besides the standard "lake of fire") that tortures a person's soul with stuff just out of reach, I am in my own personal hell attending this university. There are so many young, hot, muscular white guys here it's rediculous. On my way to each class, I can spot out on average twenty good-looking guys I happen to pass by at any given time of the day. They are everywhere. They are all within reach, but so far out of reach. Even within my classes, there are a bunch of them. In my chemistry class, the entire room is filled with over two-hundred students, the majority of them white males. Everyday I sit in the back and just admire them from affar as the instructor is droning on about boring material. I sit next to this gorgeous guy in my math class who likes to wear really tight shirts that define his slim but muscular frame. Every now and again I try and sneak a peak at his taut stomach, rising and falling from his breathing. Every morning on my way to class, I walk past this really built guy with wavy brown hair and shades, rushing to his class with a motorcycle helmet in his hand.

They are everywhere, and it is driving me crazy. They are out of my league on two fronts. First, they are all (assumingly) straight and like women, not men. Secondly, if any of them were (or are) gay, they are more than likely attracted to other white men than a black male like myself. I find myself attractive, but even the most attractive black man won't make a white male change his convictions of interracial dating, especially interracial homosexual dating.

Even other homosexual black males have the same desires toward white men, and abhor dating other black men. Not only black men, but other races seem to prefer a white male than their own race. What is it about other white men that make them so desirable to all the other races, men and women, all across the world? And it is very sad; the gay white male will only be attracted toward other white men "on his level", and wouldn't dream of "stepping down" to show affection toward another not of his "caliber" (yes, there is some contempt in my last statement, even though I realize it is not their fault).

How is anyone supposed to live like this, with all this pent up sexual frustration and anger toward a race that doesn't even consider me worth their time? How is a person supposed to live attracted toward a race of men who expect the worst of human nature out of me, even before they have met me? How is a person to go to sleep at night with the heavy burden on their shoulders that there is a very small chance of their fantasy of having a gorgeous white male all to themself ever coming true? How is a person supposed to live with all this and more sexual racial tension, and struggle with his own sexual identity in the process? What am I supposed to do?

I really want to be accepted by whites, given by the fact I couldn't possibly be accepted by blacks because of my sexual preference; they hate gays of their color even more than those of other colors. But I can never be accepted by whites because of my skin color and social background (financially poor). I live a very lonely life here at college, doing homework and studying is my only consolace here. I look around me all the time and see everyone else enjoying their college experience, surrounded by loving friends, going to parties and getting drunk, and here I am, always on the outside looking in. Everyone has a cellphone to call up their buddies and homies; I personally don't carry one because I have no use for them. Sad huh? Blacks don't like me, whites would rather ignore my presence and existence, so where do I fit in? I told myself I would make college a fun experience, unlike highschool, but it is turning out to be just that all over again.

More to come because I don't want to come off as blabbing.

Thanks, guys. Reading these words give me confidence to go out and snag a guy!

Here's a question, though. I know it's not as simple as it sounds, but how do you find the guys who are willing to "experiment"? In a student body as large as this, they have to be out there somewhere. How must I get my foot into the door of experimentation? How must I let an otherwise "straight" guy know that I am into him?

I figure it's time to stop moping around saying "Nobody likes me" and give the world a shot. This is 90% of my problem to meet new people (and probably guys). But it's hard to change overnight from the fashion in which one is used to handling the world (closed off completly).

How do I open up to the world? How do I become one of those people who enjoy college due to the amount of people you meet day in and day out? Please realize that I am a very shy person and must take baby steps to reach my full "potential".

Lastly, Fall Break is coming up for my school. Do you guys have any ideas on where a good-looking black guy of above average intelligence (at least I have self-confidence in some aspects) like myself should go to try and meet that special someone? Anywhere on the east coast is fine. I am also of age, so bars and clubs won't be a problem.

Well, I have to get back to studying (that's my middle name nowadays). Thanks for the advice. I look forward to hearing from you guys again.